Sunday, 27 December 2015

Lanzarote Underwater.

Our lovely friends from the IOM recommend that we take a trip on the LanzaroteYellow Submarine.
It's fun they say, I believe them, she wouldn't lie to me.

Getting tickets for this is one of those stories where I suggest we book them straight away and G protests at my inability to chill.

He is right I am unable to chill until we know what we are doing luckily I go and see the rep and there are only 4 tickets for the last day that we can go and my chilled face ensures that they are purchased quickly.

My stomach fears coach tours and rightly so, this one weaves itself to the marina.

I make it but a very tall Danish man only makes it to the nearest manhole cover when we arrive. Later on the in boat I offer his wife one of my in flight sick bags, she shows me several that she has stored in her bag too.

There is a stifling health and safety photo selling talk and some rest time before we head under, but just enough time for me to start fearing for my life which of course makes me text the Nurse and debrief her of the situation. I tell myself that we are just heading out a little way and then coming back in and as long as we don't run a ground all will be fine.

This is it. 
Somewhere in a previous life I have been on board the nuclear kind which let me tell you is a bit more hardcore in design as well as functionality.

I do get a bit excited by the retro fit out.

I try to look excited for the kids sake.

Nothing phases G.
There is a little TV screen showing the live camera feed from outside, you can watch the vessel sink.
Not as many fish as you think, I think the same two fish went round the submarine a couple of times.
The lower you go the less colour.


Then we get out as far as they go and there is a flurry, turns out the crew on the safety boat drop down with fish food and everyone gets their phones out!


I must mention that I see the man before I saw any fish which was sort of added to the anxiety.

We head back and I am happy.
Then silence, no engine and we hit the sand and I am not happy and breath quickly, just as I predicted, again phones are out to take pictures of the murky colourless wreck of last years fishing vessels and everyone is encouraged to get out of their seats and have a wonder around, WTF?
I've texted the nurse that we are all going to die.

Luckily it isn't too long before someone plugs the engine in again, we are on our way and everyone is singing along to Yellow Submarine which is piped through the speaker system.

I am happy to be back on concrete and it turns out back in the UK the nurse is laughing at her phone.


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