This has to be worst time of year for me, I am constantly loosing my head in confusion.
Both my girls have their birthdays in the festive season, T in the last days on November and P on the 20th of December.
T's birthday gets quite a lot of input because I want to make an effort.
It's a time for handmades and thought about gifts and throwing a party with lots of details and events to remember.
I spend my working time here at home it is important to me that the girls see me put effort into something else other than cooking and cleaning but at the moment anyone would struggle to see my success in a homely home.
So as I get geed up in party decorations the whole house pretty much has descended into chaos adding to the fact that the contents of the kitchen is still scattered as we try to paint The weather is so cold the piles of washing are towering as we wait for the last load to dry without turning the house into a damp asthma inducing hotel.
AND to top it, all the effort of beautiful party bags goes over her huge head but I keep on keeping on.
I wanted to try a natural birth with P because I believe that my children had to be born on the day that came naturally, ten days over due and a c-section and I've got a girl with party requirements at the most annoying time of the year but goodie bags are filled and invites are on their way out.
Of course I try to be organised and have all the prep for both birthday's locked down before September and I didn't do to badly this year but it was all stored in the brain and not much actually put into practice but I knew which direction I was going.
So I decided today December posts would be an advent calendar to myself to read back over next year.
Listing all the magical hopes and dreams and owning up to all the triumphs and fails that actually happen.
I didn't wear my red ribbon because I thought I would find it in time for Sunday which is in fact the day after World Aids Day and I've always made an effort.
T went out and tried to ride her bike, not badly but she is not peddling solo but it won't be long.
We then went to the School Christmas Fair and I got tearful over a Rwandan orphan charity.
When those kids get their new home there will be two bricks with my children's names in it and I now own these.
We had a wonderful visit from friends that I wish lasted longer but I made me think that the house doesn't flow well for kids or is it that I am not comfortable with them playing in it, I thought I was.
The girls ate left over pasta for dinner and I ate too much Chinese food and vowed to only drink water for the rest of my life as I went to sleep.
To say that I have been angry today might be playing things down and I ate the remainder of the take out.
For the first time I put a little tree in the girls room, I think I did it because I leave it quite late in the month to roll out Christmas and T finishes school in about 10 days so she is 'Christmas' now.
It looks really cute.
P had just been told she wasn't allowed near the plug socket to turn out the lights in case you wanted to know.
I ate soup for dinner and I am about to have a herbal tea and half a pint of water before bed.
Tomorrow I plan to start deep cleaning the house and re organising the kitchen back into it's shelves and the girls have coughs I am wondering if I will get a call from the school in the middle of the week and T will have miss the Christmas disco for a second year.
I have to send out the family thank you cards for T's birthday and for the fist time I am going to send them out with the Christmas cards, I feel sloppy but with the cost of stamps and I can think of the environment and the poor postie in the weather to make me feel better.
I will also seriously think about what presents to by and I want to exfoliate myself.