Saturday, 8 March 2014

FUCK! I'm Forty.

Well February 4th, but I just haven't been able to be here for a while, there has been no flow. Kept looking but nothing.

The week leading up to the milestone was strange. I realised that really I'd reached the half way point and I never thought that would happen. Not that my history was fragile I just thought that time would go on for ever.
In that week I was in a mode for walking everywhere (Madrid fall out) so had a lot of time with my own thoughts and it all came flying at me like a locomotive going off the rails.

I was thinking about things that hadn't been achieved, stupid decisions that had been made through just naivety that effected everything and how quickly it all had gone. The fact that I just didn't listen in my twenties and I did lots of thinking about my  my dad, the relationship we still have even though he has been dead 20 years.
The tears really flowed on that one and I didn't care that I was walking home.
All this thinking time didn't really have anything to do with G, the girls or the house it was all internal, if that makes sense.

Inwardly it was a really sad time, that luckily only lasted a week.

I talk to other women who say, I can't believe I'm forty four and fifty is next.

The night before, I took the longest boiling bath in Radox salts. A forgotten product that smells so lovely you should get some, I found this in the chemist.

I lit a nag champer incense stick, that Oldest Friend bought me for Christmas and tried not to think about it being carcinogenic at the bottom of the bath and because I am a middle class mother I don't own an incense stick holder anymore, but I do own a pot of Sudocrem so stuck it in that.
On went the traveling plinky plonky rain music from far away lands and that was it good bye thirty.

So the decision has been made don't live forty from the safety of the sofa repeating the last ten years.
We are a month on I am out of the house but I am terrified of the big plan.

In other news.

G bought me the most beautiful vintage trinket all the way from Japan via Manchester, stopping at Raynes Park, I started playing when I was younger took a long break and now want to finish something.
It's not as easy to learn as it was before when I couldn't be bothered to practice and my eye sight is rubbish.

I poached my very first eggs, not scared of that anymore and I have gone nuts for portabello's and sourdough bread.

The Royal Mint tells us that if you have one of these 50 pence pieces in your pocket that celebrates 250th anniversary of The Royal Botanic Gardens at Kew it could be worth £120.

I have had one of these in the past, unlike me to forget anything with a pagoda on it. I am checking all my change becasue the surprise will be so nice.


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