Monday March 23rd very late in the night G and his brothers lost their beautiful mum.
This one is really hard.
There are tears and broken pieces.
Winter 2013 an amazing Mr in London found lump and successfully took it out.
Then we had a wonderful clear year, the first of many more, but in the latter days of 2014 a pain came that wouldn't go away and just like that as spring was approaching the sands started to shift all so quickly the pain got so much worse and there was nothing that could be done.
Except to come home, to care and to sometimes laugh and be together as a family.
Before the sun came up one Monday morning...................things weren't right, it was awful and away to the hospital they all went.
When the girls woke up that morning I finally told them what Cancer was, how it was different for everyone and Nana had it and that is why she hadn't been well of late.
At the hospital things were made stable and options were discussed and then..........it all went wrong again and Patricia said, no more, no, no more pain.
This would be on her terms and with everyone there.
In the car I told the girls that Nana couldn't be fixed and that today was her last day and that we would be going in to spend some time with her. I was so proud of them, they were amazing in there and so gentle.
That day they had dressed in blue and red woollen coats, red glitter shoes and tiny Jessie cowgirl hats.
I had my time with her........... I can't type that here but but I thanked her for our time together and we agreed to meet in the summer at a fete at the cake stall with her mother, I would look out for her with the girls, Patricia liked plan.
If you can believe it there in a room with sunshine, the sea and music, the family sat chatting and story telling before more sedation was required.
At least that's how I have to have it in my head as I took the girls home.
I have so many photos and so many stories and I could write pages on our relationship good and bad and the regrets I have. We were so different but the biggest lesson I've taken from her is that with life you just have to get out there.
I am lucky that my last two memories are of a great big family Christmas and
Grandpa's birthday in February when he and the boys returned from France
and more family all dropped round for dinner and the house was full of very lively banter.
I had been telling Patricia our calender of events for this year and slowly we are getting through them, as each one passes I have conversations with her about what happened be it the
General Election or the Chelsea Flower Show. I think the upcoming school sports day is the last one I asked her to mark in the calender and to be honest I am dreading it.
What happens next?
I suppose I look for the cake stalls.
23.05.2015 Never Alone. So young and so very brave. Missing you in our life.